Please don’t call anyone on me, I just need an answer. I’m sorry it has to be you. If I killed myself Seebs, would anyone miss me? Would I be doing the world a favor? I feel like sometimes it’d be the right thing to do, just because I just feel so unwanted. I’m not going to do it, but sometimes I just feel like I really would be leaving the world a better place without me.

nuclearvampire:

the-real-seebs:

So, since I don’t know who you are, it’s impossible to say with 100% certainty, but:

I have known a lot of people who felt that way. Every single time, they’ve been people that a lot of people loved and would miss horribly if they died.

Think about it this way: You’re the kind of person who wonders whether you’d be doing the world a favor, because you care whether other people are happy. We are not exactly experiencing a great surplus of people who care about other people.

Anon and other responders, Idk if it helps, but I spent 2 decades fucking miserable.  I was intensely suicidal, intensely full of self-loathing, made horrible decision because I felt like I didn’t deserve anything better, and was emotionally abused because them.  8 years ago, I would have wondered the same as you.  Is it worth it?  Is a nebulous, possibly forever amount of being miserable worth the chance of being happy?  Idk how I would have answered, it was really bad.

But.

At some point, I was able to find treatment that worked. And I have no words for the intense differences. I have never been more happy, more motivated, more creative, more able to survive shit than I am now. I have no descriptions for going from the depths of hell to going to feeling as if…..there’s definitely going to be something happy in my day.  And now, I would definitely say it’s worth it. Why? Cause we don’t fucking deserve to be miserable, and fuck our brains, fuck our society shit that contributes to it, fuck everything that presses down on us, because we fucking deserve better, and that means you guys too.  

I made it through. And I’m not even gonna pretend it’s not several layers of hell hard, but fuck. You deserve that freedom from being crushed under your brain too. And that is something I desperately hope for you guys, that at some point you’ll be out, and be able to feel like when your heart beats, it beats for something more than just prolonging your life, and through that, your misery. 

We fucking deserve to feel alive.