I’d bet five galleons that George Weasley asked McGonagall out to the Yule Ball on a dare.
I bet that Fred popped up before she could reply and acted betrayed (“YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, HOW COULD YOU?) and they proceed to have a fake fight over who gets to take her to the ball.
Meanwhile McGonagall is trying to be stern and not laugh because it reminds of when Sirius tried to ask Dumbledore out and had almost the exact same fight with James
Maui is a powerful demigod. Big and strong and… oh, you think he looks fat?
That’s probably because you’ve been conditioned by the media to accept this
as what strong and fit looks like. Amiright?
Sadly… these guys are not all that strong. Yeah, they got muscles… but they aren’t built in a useful way. They are built for looks and that’s about it.
This…
is a strong guy. Actually a competitor in the Strongman competition. But… his tummy sticks out and he doesn’t look like a Dorito.
You know who else is strong?
These guys…
And Maui…
Look at those arms, omg. And that solid, sturdy torso. You can see a shadow where his meat covers his ribs, but he doesn’t look like any slouch to me.
And this guy…
That’s Dwayne Johnson’s grandfather. When the Disney animators showed him their sketches of Maui, he pulled out a picture of his grandfather and showed it to them because he was amazed how similar they looked. This dude was also a pro wrestler.
There’s actually a great infographic about ab muscles and stuff over HERE. but this is the part i want to show you.
Now… look at Maui again.
That thickness don’t move like fat. It doesn’t jiggle and he’s able to flex it. Look at how it sits on his body. It doesn’t sag… he doesn’t have a gut. There’s even a slight V shape to his torso.
It’s just big and not ‘defined’.
And people aren’t used to that.
(sorry, this isn’t the most organized post… i kinda just let it all spill out)
Listen. I want to tell you guys about the Dollar Tree. If you ever need to rebuild your life fast, you want a dollar tree. Everything in a dollar tree costs one dollar. No exceptions. Nothing has a price tag. Everything is one dollar.
This is Dollar Tree not Dollar General.
Dollar Tree looks like this:
Their stuff is off-brand but decent quality.
Here are some things you can buy at the dollar tree for one dollar:
– any kind of makeup- foundation, eyeshadow, lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, etc
Basically? If you ever get kicked out of your house or find yourself with a couple bucks and nothing else, get thee to a dollar tree.
All the dollar tree stores I have been in have some sort of medical aisle too. Its actually where I went first when my tooth broke for some off brand orajel (Works much faster and better than orajel imo, longer too if you put it on a cotton ball and keep it in the area) And sometimes even emergency temp tooth repair kits, which are at least $7 elsewhere. Dollar tree is a miracle.
There is a new up and coming product called Trans Tape which is used to bind your chest with. This is the same as KT tape and is EXTREMELY dangerous. This product is not meant to bind, not meant to be used for long periods of time, and not meant to be used for multiple days. You can get rashes, infections, abrasions, open wounds, skin deformities, and much more. All of those consequences can also lead to you never being able to get top surgery. DO NOT USE.
-jessi
,,, for my trans followers. Be careful binding. It can go south real fast.
after dying god informs you that hell is a myth, and “everyone sins, its ok”. instead the dead are sorted into six “houses of heaven” based on the sins they chose.
We arrived first at the House of Lust. “House” is a misleading term. It was more of a camp, spread over acres and acres of lush forest. There was a white sandy beach (nude, of course) full of copulating couples. There were little cabins sprinkled all along the path, from which orgasmic moans regularly came belting out. Men with six pack abs and women with perky breasts strolled by without even noticing me and God. They only had eyes for each other, tickling and pinching each other with flirtatious giggles.
“What do you think?” God asked as we passed a nineteen-way taking place in a pool of champagne. Little cherubs flitted overhead armed with mops and cleaning supplies, thankfully. “Lust is our most popular sin.” I eyed the supermodel-like figures of a couple passing nearby, and could easily see why. “You can look however you want. Hell, you can be whatever gender you want. No fetish is too taboo, and no desire can be denied here.”
It was quite tempting, but I wasn’t ready to make a permanent decision here. “Let’s see the others,” I told God.
We carried on to Greed. We passed rows and rows of mansions, each more opulent than the next. Some of them were so large that they would have had enough bed rooms to fit my entire hometown. And so many different styles: one second, we were in a beautiful French vineyard in front of a gorgeous chateau with the Alps in the background. The next second, a warm tropical beach with a modern mansion atop breathtaking cliffs. After that, a ski chalet in Colorado with a roaring fire in a hearth large enough to fit an ox. Each one had various Italian sports cars and Rolls Royces parked in front, with the occasional smattering of boats, helicopters, etc.
“Any material desire you ever wanted,” God explained. “Your own world, where you can have everything. You want the Hope Diamond? You can fly to Washington DC in your own solid gold helicopter and buy it from the Smithsonian. Hell, you can just buy the Smithsonian.”
Also tempting, but I decided to keep looking.
Gluttony was next up. Tables and tables of the very finest foods: beautiful steaks cooked medium rare; butter-poached lobster tail; fresh oysters on a half shell; exotic wines in dusty bottles that had been hiding in the cellars of the world’s finest restaurants. Everyone had a glass of champagne in hand and simply lounged on couches and chairs near the tables, eating endlessly. As soon as the inhabitants took a bite, the food just instantly came back. My mouth watered even watching them.
“In every other House, the food is practically sawdust compared to Gluttony,” God explained. “You haven’t truly experienced heaven until you’ve been to Gluttony.”
I shook my head, and we kept moving.
Sloth was as you’d expect. An endless sea of the softest mattresses, stacked with cushions and pillows that made the story of the princess and the pea seem minimalist. Little angels visited each resident, giving them massages that made them all melt into their blankets.
Wrath was… well, a lot like what I’d expect Hell to be like. Fire, brimstone, whips, torture.. you know, the works. Except here, you weren’t the one being tortured. Every enemy you’d ever made in your real life was now under your thumb. “Lots of people choose their fathers,” God explained. “Lots of grudges against parents in general, you know. But you’re not limited to that. Someone beat you out for a big promotion back on Earth? Take your pound of flesh here.”
Then we arrived at Envy. It looked… well, a lot like home.
“Go on in,” God said, gesturing toward the door. I turned the knob and walked in… and found Emily waiting inside. She ran forward, wrapped her arms around my neck, and planted a kiss right on my lips. “Welcome home, honey.”
I looked back toward God. “Oh, don’t be coy,” he said. “You have no secrets from me. We all know that you were in love with your best friend’s wife.” She didn’t seem to hear him at all; she went back into the hall. “We all know that you just settled for your own wife while secretly pining after her. Well, this is your chance to live happily ever after.”
I peered into the kitchen. Emily was baking something, wearing nothing but an apron. Her curly black hair fell softly over her shoulder as she whisked ingredients. She turned back, noticed I was observing her, and an enthusiastic smile spread across her face.
“It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” God whispered in my ear.
I wanted to take it. God damn did I want to take it. But I shook my head.
God seemed puzzled. “You need to make a decision,” he told me.
“I haven’t seen Pride yet.”
He scoffed. “No one ever wants Pride, trust me.”
“Well, I want to see it.”
_________________________
Pride was boring. Just a row of workbenches in a bare white room.
“I don’t get it,” I told God.
“Yeah, no one does,” he answered. “That’s why no one ever chooses it. Doesn’t cavorting in Lust sound better than sitting here building little trinkets for the rest of eternity? Wouldn’t you rather gorge yourself in Gluttony? Or spend time with Emily in Envy?”
I considered the options again. “I pick Pride,” I finally told him.
He narrowed his eyes. “What? Look at it!” He gestured around the room again. There wasn’t much to look at. “Why would you choose this for the rest of time?”
“Because you don’t want me to pick it,” I told him. If he was really God, he’d know what a contrarian I can be. And I knew he was hiding something, trying to pretend like Pride didn’t exist. There was something special about it.
God scowled back. “Fine.” He led me over to one of the workbenches. In the center, there was a black space. A blank, empty void that went on forever. “Here’s your universe,” he said. “You’ve got seven days to get started.” He took his seat at the bench next to me and went back to tinkering in his own world. After a long pause, he finally spoke again: “You know, it might be nice for me to actually have some company for once.”
FUCKING I MEAN.
IT’S LIKE 7AM AND I LOVE GONNA REBLOG SO I CAN READ THIS SHIT AGAIN
